Anger, if suppressed, becomes depression. And if you’re a basketball coach, it’s best to let out all your anger on court. Above drawing based on a picture by H. Rumph Jr., of Dawn Staley, Temple U. women basketball coach.

The New York Times reports that the United States Olympic Committee, concerned with the high level of steroids they’ve found in Chinese chicken (they found a 14-in Chinese chicken breast), searched for more trustworthy food suppliers. And who better to provide food for America’s finest athletes than Kellogg’s and Tyson Foods? (Good thing the Olympics sports committee only checks for steroids, and not growth hormones or antibiotics.)

Does it take a 14-inch chicken breast to tell us that there’s something wrong with Chinese produce? Have you not noticed Yao Ming getting bigger each season? And I have always maintained that our honorable, professional athletes would not knowingly take steroids, and now it all makes sense - it’s the fault of Chinese chickens.

This also helps explain a puzzle that has been nagging me lately, regarding Mr. Spielberg’s resignation as an artistic adviser for the 2008 Olympics. There have been reports suggesting that Mr. Spielberg’s withdrawal has to do with China not doing enough to pressure Sudan to end the crisis in Darfur. I’ve always found that a little funny, given that Mr. Spielberg lives in and works for a country that attacked and ruined another nation - he couldn’t have possibly criticized another for, well, not doing enough. In any case, this explains it all: it wasn’t Darfur, it’s the chicken that Mr. Spielberg couldn’t stand.

February 17th, 2008